Tuesday, April 12, 2016

71 Years Ago, Today

So the old man and his wife are in the doctor's office and the doctor tells the old man that he, the doctor, needs a sample of the old man's stool and a urine sample as well.

The old man, whose hearing was not too swift, turned to his wife and asked,'What did he say?' The old lady says, 'The doctor said we need to bring him a pair of your underpants.'

Old age brings almost a new life style with it. Having an aortic valve replacement virtually guarantees it. My stamina still ain't worth a hoot in hell. Or anywhere else.

'Maloney, I think I'm hit'.

'Ah Feshbach, you're full of shit.'

'But Jerry, I felt a huge thump hitting my left leg and there ain't no flying rocks on this fucking mud hole.' Okinawa, April 12, 1945. - 71 years ago.

Jerry Maloney then screamed at me to look, which I did. Saw a hole in my left leg that, at the time, looked to be the size of a silver dollar. Then I went nuts. Started screaming, not out of pain but out of pure indignation of having a bullet go through my left leg while in a fox hole, that I helped dig, in a fucking place I'd never heard of until we arrived: Okinawa.

That was the bad news. The good news was that if the bullet had been higher and to the right I would have been castrated and not enjoyed a drunken menage a trois, years later, in Paris with two hookers from Mozambique.

It had to be fun but I was so drunk that I remember zero. Except the hookers guaranteed me a fun experience and why would two hookers lie to me?

The other memorable happening on April 12,1945 was Roosevelt died that day. He made the obits. I got to write my Mom and Pop and tell them that I could still make babies and how lucky I was.

But then every one knows who their Mother is but only God knows who their Father is.

71 years ago, to the day.
~

9 comments:

mup said...

And so it goes...... Just fabulous

jennifer said...

and that knee still works pretty well!

Anonymous said...

you are off-the-charts sir! made my day with this one! That Purple Heart is a great tribute to you.

Dan said...

Thank you for an excellent piece. Vintage Bernie!!!

Unknown said...

Fabulous story and so you, Bernie, and it didn't stop you from all the many things you went on to do in those busy 71 years. You are really amazing and wonderful and so deserving of the Purple Heart!!!!
Love you,
Maria. xoxo. πŸŒΊπŸ’πŸ’•πŸŒ»πŸŒŸπŸŒΈπŸŒΉπŸ’—πŸ’‹πŸ’œ

Jan McGill said...

As always, you are an the most original and I / we appreciate you. Thank you for you, and, I don't think I've ever said this to you- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE XXX

Thomas Keatley said...

Wow ,
Great story, whats the chances my two favourite people both being named Bernard
one gets shot on the 12th April the other bits the bullet and gets married on the 12th April
enjoy your day

Thomas

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aisha paal Call Girl in Pune said...

They are as of now beautiful connections with white cleaned by birth. You can even find in their photograph presentation there is no cosmetics in their display as well. These school young ladies just employ individual antiperspirant and face cream to shield their face shading from normal light and residue particles. You will never locate this characteristic excellence and unmatched quality in different Pune Escorts or whore. So get your telephone by dialing the number of our office and book a young lady and fill your heart with joy great with these hot and attractive Escorts in Pune. No any Model young lady in Pune will give the best administrations to our organization at reasonable rates. We have multi-skilled young ladies for no particular reason and delight.
Escorts Service in Pune
Independent Pune Escorts
Female Pune Escorts
Escort Pune
Pune Escort Service
Female Escort in Pune