Charley, who I blamed for that purebred bull staying alive while the bull's schlong died, was in my stream of consciousness on a daily basis. Naturally, blaming Charley for the bull's impotence was nonsense but being pissed off at Charley became a soul satisfying project. I really hated farming and Mason Never Live There City, Iowa plus I had very low regard for the population of River City (aka Mason etc) so why not take it out on Charley?
One day, after the bull was long gone, I had to go to see Charley. While driving in my pickup truck those forty unbelievably awful miles over gravel roads with the radio blaring I got to thinking about what I was going to say to Charley and what his response to me would be. 40 miles of this fantasy conversation where I imagined my part of the conversation and then conjuring up his responses really got me in mental motion, and I became increasingly angry with Charley. In fact I became absolutely wild with his fantasy irresponsibility.
As I pulled into the farm yard, Charley and his wife came down the farm house steps. I got out of the truck, strode around the front of it and shouted "Charley, you dirty son of a bitch!" and hit him. His wife screamed and threatened to call the sheriff but I felt that no one was going to "talk" to me that way, and he had it coming. I then got back into the pick up, drove home and had a few pops to calm down. Booze always calmed me down until it got me wired. The lesson? Beware of bulls with broken tools.
Holey moley, Bernie!
ReplyDeleteI'll remember to never sell you a bull with a bum 'leg'. I love your stories, but I am sorry these things happened to you (as I laugh at the penalty you delivered to Charlie)!
That is hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteGreat story Dad
ReplyDelete