It took my first ex-wife, in a rare show of candor, just three weeks after we were married, to tell me that she felt that she had made a mistake in marrying me and was already very worn out with me. On our honeymoon, in Jamaica, a few months later the Princess said it again. The Princess seemed to enjoy telling me, that even knowing me was a mistake.
Being both a guilty Bronx Jew and stupid, I tried futilely to get the Princess to like me.Love never had a chance.I often wonder why self pity was a very minor factor in my life. But optimism, looking for serendipity and laughter have always mostly overcome negative feelings.
After 27 years of my trying to change her negative feelings towards me the Princess threw me out.She originally claimed that it was my drinking that forced her into bouncing my ass out of our Jewish Mansion.
When the Princess blamed my drinking for our divorce to a friend my self righteous indignation surfaced and I went fucking nuts.
I phoned the JAP and said, "Bonnie, quit telling people that you threw me out because I drank too much. Tell the them the God damn truth. Tell them that you threw me out because you didn't like me in 1947 and you still don't like me in 1974. That's the real truth and I'm cool with it. Quit playing the booze card."
Never did get any more 'Woe is me, I married an alcoholic.", feedback.
The Princess did confess to a mutual friend that being married to me was exciting. In a moment of weakness she told that to me as well.We'd been happily divorced for about 10 years when that comment popped out of her mouth.Talk about a day late and a dollar short.
But the Princess had a ferocious memory and remembered, in detail, all the asshole things I had done and they were a big fucking bunch. As I told her several times (redundancy is a specialty of mine) "Why is it that you remember, in detail, every asshole thing I've ever done and you never give me credit for the good things that I've done?" Her answer was her consistent steely eyed, WASP look of total disgust and disdain.
My son Joe's advice on how to stay married came along way too late for me. My son, Joe, contended that a basic rule for staying married is for the guy to say, when necessary, 'I'm sorry, it's all my fault.'
Yeah, most divorced couples are amiable toward one another until they talk about something serious. Then it's the same old noise.
For 28 years after our divorce, without a court order, I saw to it that the Princess continued to live in the life style that I had made her accustomed to living. She surely deserved it. (Living with me wasn't like spending a day at the beach.)
The minute the Princess stopped receiving her $5k a month and other high priced perks, she stopped even acknowledging me. See me at a local shopping center and the Princess would turn turn her head away.
The Princess, I believe, died with Italian Alzheimer's where you forget everything except the grudge. Sad for her.
~
1 comment:
Bonnie was a firecracker, but you did look after her, it was admirable.
That was, however, the longest amends project ever!
At least you'll never have to look back and know you were a punk after you split.
That says a lot about you xox
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