The Weight Loss Mantra

'Nah, I don't think I'll ever meet a woman that I dislike enough to marry.'...

Me and others with distended bodies and money to burn went to the Canyon Ranch outside of Tuscon. We were all in search of the magic bullet that would take our terrible looking bodies and change them into bodies of wonder. Six packs for all men, women, dogs and dreamers.

It was the mid-nineties with the place loaded with fat, rich, Jewish broads from Chicago and Omaha. All trying to look better and find a fucking masochist to marry them. They were rich because their rich ex-husbands found attractive, young, beautiful, women and paid off the fatsos on the way out.

The excitement of letting their little heads run their big heads with a Trophy Wife were the drivers of their divorces from their breeding machines who become fat and unattractive knocking out their kids. Also, the guys were often suffering from Erectile Dysfunction and they thought that a young beautiful gal with big boobs would be a cure and snap their schlongs to attention. Remaking their dripping  faucets into a sex toy again was the goal. Didn't/doesn't work. 

Canyon Ranch had a table, called the Captain's Table, for people without partners. Everyone at that table became, overnight, Best Friends Forever. One evening at dinner a Princess asked me if I would ever marry again. I told her, 'Nah, I don't think that I will ever meet a woman that I dislike enough to marry.'

Being a glutton for punishment I later tried the Canyon Ranch in Massachusetts. It was loaded with rich Upper East Side Jews and WASPS and the 'wanna get married' theme wasn't as apparent. It was really a motivating kind of place. More young people to lighten up the atmosphere as well. It was there that I learned from a trainer of the real, weight loss, exercise mantra that works.

Canyon Ranch, MA

'Push yourself away from the fucking table.' was the mantra.

Great exercise for your arms, pecs etc. and automatically restricts calories. I lost  45 pounds using that method as the centerpiece of my weight loss regimen. Sadly, I still look like shit but the Canyon Ranch in Massachusetts really  produced weight loss results for me.

The Canyon Ranch folks were keyed into what they could do for you. The Army was keyed into what you could do for the Army. Or so I thought, until I realized a few years ago that the Army did a fucking ton for me, gimpy leg and all.

Yeah, roses are red and violets are blue and it ain't all bad, having a bullet travel through you. 91 and still hustling.

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