Israel History Lessons

In 1970 there were more Jews in New York City, than there were Jews in Israel. But after all, Jesus was a Jew. L. Ron Hubbard? No chance, though he sure as hell was smart enough to be a Jew.

The '67 Israel, Arab war was still fresh in most every Jew's mind. My generation of Jews remembered the virulent anti-Semitism that had been prevalent in the pre WWII United States, joined by France, Great Britain and of course the cradle of it all, Russia. So becoming a Zionist was a natural for this Bronx Jew.

Being, in 1970-71, too fucking smart, by half, the idea to create a Private Equity Fund to drill for oil in Israel took over my life. My first ex-wife screamed like she was being raped. (Sex was never her thing). The Princess, who thought me (in any event) bizarre, used my idea to constantly point out that there 'was something wrong' with me. I didn't do one helluva lot to prove her wrong.

Being 'wrong' in the eyes of The Princess generally meant that I was on the right track. So, away I went in my flying fucking balloon. And fly I did; 7 times to Jerusalem in 13 months. The King David became a home away from home. The food was awful except for the desserts which were fabulous. Helped keep my cholesterol count at a near dangerous level.

Setting up meetings with the Israel energy hierarchy for their knowledge and their cooperation, so that I could raise money in the States to drill for oil and or gas in Israel, was often like pissing into the wind. Wading through the Israel bureaucracy wasn't like spending a day at the beach. Took a phone call to Golda Meir's office to get out of spinning my wheels. Never spoke with Ms. Meir but her office put me in touch with the Energy Minister, Zvi Dinstein.

The Princess was dead right. The deal fell flat on its fucking face and, as it turned out, rightfully so. The Princess, no slouch at the 'I told you so' game, stuck that failure in my ear at every opportunity and there were lots of them.

15 years later, a swollen prostate and an Israeli avant garde solution to the problem landed me in the King David for over two months.

I went weekly to Petah Tikva where Bellinsin Hospital was located, to get my prostate fried. During the week, with my schlong on fire from my prostate treatment, I spent a lot of my time at the King David swimming pool ogling the beautiful Sabra women. They were knockouts before they became breeding machines. Then they acquired the broad, fat butts of women who are knocking too many kids out of their ovens. Very fucking sad.

In those times Jerusalem provided employment for many Arabs, particularly those from the Old City. The bartender at the King David was an Old City Arab resident. He called himself an Arab not a Palestinian. The maids were all Arab. My Sunday Petah Tikva driver was a very tough little Sephardic Jew from Algeria…tough as fucking nails. In those days, there was no love lost between the Ashkenazi and Sephardic Israeli Jews. Israel is not without prejudices. Try black Ethiopians.

Sundays I would drive to the Bethlehem market place to buy fresh fruits and fresh baked bread from the Bethlehem Arab Christians and Muslims. My room overlooked the Old City and hearing the early morning horns calling the Arabs to prayer was a kinda welcome alarm clock for me. Driving through the Old City, through the Damascus Gate and through the 'four sections': Christian, Muslim, Armenian and Jewish was always an adrenaline boost for me.

Dinner at the Blue Dolphin in East Jerusalem with Teddy Kolleck's chief assistant, Shula, a wonderful person, was fun. The restaurant was 50% owned by a Jew and 50% by an Arab. The food beat the hell out of the King David's awful fucking food where they could destroy a fish by sauteing it. Chicken was an invitation to choke to death.

Today’s unbelievable animus of the Arabs and Jews alike, which has grown from an undercurrent of resentment, is for me, both sad and frightening. Israel is also caught in the 2,000 years of war between the Arabs.

As long as the Sunnis and Shiites continue their 2,000 year war, there is no end in sight for Israel. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.’ says it all.