'Work hard, and, if you can't
work hard, be smart and if you can't be smart, be loud.'
Sammy Glick in What Makes Sammy Run (1941 Best Seller)Me and Sammy Glick.....Being the only Jew, in a Scollay Square, Boston Irish outfit cured me of looking for fist fights. While ensconced with the 241st Signal Corps group, I mostly had the shit kicked out of me in fist fights. I did win one that I remember, but I don't know who ended up looking worse, me,or my opponent. 'Me' would be my bet. I certainly don't remember one time while in the Army when I could say: 'You should see the other guy'. The girls would say that I was 'cute' and I wanted to stay that way.
Both in and out of the Army I mostly took Sammy's admonition to heart. I resorted either to being loud, which I really enjoyed, or being a coward. Either alternative was much better than having my face tattooed. Much easier on my nerves as well.
Like one night in New York at the Sherry Netherlands Hotel Bar. In those days (late 60's) the Sherry was as upscale as one could find in the Big Apple. I had become a hotel snob and if the hotel wasn't priced above my pay scale I wouldn't stay there. I was, and still am, a hotel snob.
The bell hop from the Sherry, had gone, at my request, to Nathan's in Times Square to pick up some hot dogs, fries and knishes for me and my two friends. Plus extras of everything for the bartender and anyone else that was hungry (A midnight snack). That hot dog, knish, fries and stuff eaten at the fancy fucking bar, earned me permanent expulsion from the Sherry.
There were two guys and a gal at a table down the bar from us. The gal got up to go to the ladies and looking at her I said to one of my friends,"Too bad that gal is so fucking fat. She is really good looking."
Since I have a voice that could cut glass one of the guys with the gal heard me. He jumped up, stormed to my table and shouted at me in anger, "Get up, you dirty-son-of a bitch and come on on outside, that's my wife you insulted". I was very drunk but not so drunk that I wanted the shit kicked out of me so I said to him, "Not a chance, I'm a coward". He went berserk. Called me everything but a fucking milk cow but couldn't get me to move my fat, lower case, bronx, jewish ass out of my chair. I was very drunk, but not so drunk that I thought that I was a white Joe Louis....
My most memorable fight was while I was in the Army and stationed at Fort Worden,Washington. Being fresh from New York City and Fort Sill, Oklahoma I was confrontational as hell and did tell, a few, if not many, of my fellow recruits that they were hicks and that they didn't know shit. But the army didn't think,that I knew shit either. I was put on a two days on/one day off schedule, working in the kitchen. Doing nothing but peeling spuds, washing enormous pots and pans and mopping floors,12-14 hours a day. I was on permanent KP (Kitchen Police) duty. I had mouthed off to the First Sergeant my first few days there and he marked me 'lousy'. For certain.
One morning at reveille a guy who was an armband acting sergeant ordered me to do something that I took exception to and I told him to go fuck himself. He went nuts and told me to meet him in the woods on a hill in the Fort at lunch time. I hadn't yet had been hammered by the Scollay Square Boston Irish, so I eagerly accepted. That piece of arrogance got me knocked on my ass right away.
We squared off, at lunch, and he promptly knocked me down. When I hit the ground I remembered that the asshole had been a professional wrestler in civilian life. He then jumped on me with me calling him everything but a milk cow. While screaming obscenities at him I looked around and saw a fallen branch that was just a little bigger than a baseball bat. I quickly grabbed the branch, my Bronx came out, and I screamed, 'Listen you son of a bitch. If you don't let me up I'll beat your fucking brains in with this club'. He was really stupid, but not stupid enough to challenge me with the club in my hand.
The fight ended. But I had added fighter to my quickly earned reputation at Fort Worden as a hard assed, loud mouthed NY Jew and I loved the reputation..That was pre-pot belly. I was 6"/1 1/2 and weighed 165 with a body fat content of no more than 10%. Now I am shrinking, slightly less than 5"11 and weigh 178 in the morning, right after getting out of bed and taking a piss, with a body fat content of at least 22%, that's 40 lbs of pure ugly fat as opposed to around 16 pounds of fat.
'Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end.'....Fiddler On The Roof..
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